Unapologetically Mom Podcast
Everything mom related.
We will discuss everything from pregnancy, postpartum, hormones, workouts, mental overload, relationships, meals and everything in-between. We are here to support you and be a resource through out your motherhood journey.
Unapologetically Mom Podcast
Friendships After Kids
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
We unpack how motherhood reshapes friendships, from drifting apart to finding “built-in” community in schools, sports, and faith groups. We share practical ways to meet aligned moms, keep pre-kid friendships alive, and release the guilt that comes with changing seasons.
• identity shifts that follow becoming a mom
• kids as connectors and why proximity matters
• mourning old dynamics without self blame
• finding community through school, sports and faith
• practical ideas for early postpartum connection
• balancing friends with and without children
• simple routines that make time for adult friendship
• gratitude for evolving seasons and steady effort
If this episode spoke to you, please follow the podcast and leave a quick review. It helps other moms like you find our community and feel supported too. And if you have a friend who could use a little encouragement, share this episode with her.
Setting The Stage: Friendship Shifts
SPEAKER_00Hello, and welcome back to Unapologetically Mom. Um, today we are going to be talking about the changes and challenges that come with friendships. Last week we talked about marriage and relationships that way, and now we're gonna talk about more your your friends, your mom friends, um your old college friends, all of all of that fun stuff and how the dynamic changes there uh once you have once you have kids. So, yay.
SPEAKER_01When when we were talking about what what we were gonna talk about today, I said I don't have friends, it doesn't matter. And I quickly, I was like, I'm your friend. But I mean I I say that jokingly because if you know me outside of listening to us on the podcast, I I do have a lot of friends, but those relationships are probably a lot different than they were even 10 years ago, prior to children, or say 15 years ago in college, and the way that they've morphed and changed for my friends and myself, right? Like whether it's them individually or me individually or us as a friend group, just looks different. And depending on what stage of motherhood you're in, whether or maybe you're not in like that motherhood stage, each of those different stages comes with one, a new set of challenges, but also kind of a new set of friends. If you yeah, kind of right, like a whole new set of people that you surround yourself with because what you do on a daily basis often dictates who you hang out with on a daily basis.
SPEAKER_00And I think things to like be mindful of, right? Like I was not the first in my friend group to have kids. I was one of kind of the middle to the last because we were a
Motherhood And Identity Change
SPEAKER_00little bit later. And I think another thing that a little bit more unique to myself and Tanya is like we're business owners, right? And so I think a lot of my friendships had changed even before having kids because my business was kind of my first baby, um, and the first thing that became the priority over things I necessarily wanted to do. And so then when I had kids, um it you also are different. Like when you become a mom, you are now a different person. And I think the more kids you have, you also become a different version of yourself for each one that you have. Um, and that just it changes and impacts relationships. Again, whether you have friends that have kids or whether you have friends that don't have kids, it just changes that whole dynamic.
Kids As Connectors And Dividers
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I I notice, um, I mean, I can specifically just give an example. I have two cousins that were really close, and one of them has children and one of them doesn't. And I get together with the younger cousin who has children that are the same age as mine, now that we both have children, way more than we ever did growing up. Because now we have kids in common. We go to the park together, we go to kid activities, we go to Monster Jam, like we go to those movies together, whereas my other cousin doesn't have children. And so the activities that her and I do together typically don't involve my children, which then means I have to have a free day, a free night, a free weekend, or a free few hours for her and I to do something. And not to say that she doesn't want to see my kids, it's just a different dynamic. Yeah, different dynamic. And that then also puts a little bit of stress because you want to include the people that you are close to in your family and or your friends who aren't in the same life stage as you, but it's harder because you can't just ignore your family or your children, right?
SPEAKER_00They're the most part, that mom guilt that comes into play. And I yeah, I'm a little bit in a different situation where I have friends that I've had for, you know, decades before I had children who've been with me through changes and you know, getting married and and owning a business and then having having kids. And I have one friend that we have a lot of a lot of similarities where you know working out is important to us, moving our bodies are important to us, that's important to us, passing on to our children. We parent very similarly, and she and I were brought up very similarly, and so I think that also is probably why we continue to like remain really good friends. Um, and our kids enjoy spending time together, and so she doesn't live in Fargo, but it's easy for me to either like I can go there by myself because I do really enjoy her children. She comes here by herself sometimes, and then when we get together with our children, it's easy because they just
Values, Proximity, And Drifting Apart
SPEAKER_00they play and we can go do go for a walk or we can sit and drink coffee and chat or whatever it might be, and they're entertaining themselves, so that's really great. And then other friendships, again, kind of like Tanya's point, that if they don't have kids, it gets a little bit trickier because now it's like I have friends who don't have kids but they like to work out, and so for me it's like, okay, hey, let's hit up a Saturday morning class. Um, but I have to go early before my kids get out of bed, right? Or like in the earlier morning is easier for me where a lot of people don't like to get up that early on on the weekends, but that's what works for best for me. And so sometimes that can be a little bit more tricky, or like to Tanya's point, you're taking away hours from your family to spend time together, which is not bad. Like, right, like sometimes it's really nice to have those friends that kind of pull you away from your monotony of your day-to-day life and you can away from your family, but it just makes it harder to do it more often, right? It has to, it's for me, anyways, it's more of like a once every quarter type situation, not like on a monthly or even like weekly basis.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and even just thinking about mourning some of the loss that happens with friendships and trying not to, you know, kind of give give yourself a hard time for letting those friendships fade or dwindle can be a big mind struggle, right? We've talked about this many times, like, gosh, I was such good friends with so-and-so in college, and we've just drifted apart. Um, and maybe that's due to lifestyle, maybe that's due to belief system, maybe that's due to just proximity. Um, and and that's
Finding Community And Support
SPEAKER_01okay. I think part of this episode is really to one, say, we hear you, we know that things change and it's hard and sometimes it sucks, but what can we do to continue to feel connected in our community, continue to feel connected to the people that we want to see and spend our time with and have our children grow up with? Because I think there's one thing that we kind of miss in our society is that sense of community. Like for sure. This is a tribe, right? And for sure. How do we how do we feel connected and what kinds of things can we do to help moms one feel more supported, feel more connected? And if they don't, like where should we look? Where should we go to find some of those women who have common things with us? Because I don't know about you, but even though I'm from here, it's real hard to make friends when you're 40.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, when you're 40 and then you have and you have kids and you have a business and you have all these other things, like your free time is like very like pigeonholed into certain parts of the day. Um, but yeah, I'm I'm with you. And I think I think there are a lot of moms, especially in some of like the different pages and stuff that I read, who are like looking for that connection because they don't feel like they have a connection or they don't feel like they are taking the time for themselves to like make friends or to have have a connection with somebody else. And I think there's a lot to be said in the mental health capacity and emotional health of having mom friends who can number one either like commiserate with you and like the different things that are going in the struggles that you're going through with being a mom and and the difficulties that come along with that, and also the joys and sharing the joys in that too. Um, but also then like having that outlet in a positive way too, to be like, you know what? Sometimes when I when I see coming back from seeing my my friend in the city is like it just opens my brain a little bit more to be like, I don't have like there are sometimes easier paths to get the thing done than I have been doing. And so coming up with like different ideas and trying different snack options or lunch things
Built-In Friends: School And Sports
SPEAKER_00or whatever, like I get so stuck in what we do, right? And so I come back and it's like, well, but she does it this way, like I should try that. That might be easier for our family, or like I mean, I feel like the snack and lunch options are always helpful for me just to get outside of our rut. And then the girls are always like, Mom, I really like this. Who came up with this idea? Like, but it's it's nice to like get outside of your bubble a little bit and like actually see how other people are doing things, and maybe that's something that helps you make it a little bit easier. But to Tanya's point, I the big thing I think with seasons of motherhood sometimes can bring different seasons of friends. Like now that we're in school, I have gotten to know some of my girls' moms, and that's nice to have like that connection, and then we have like obviously a similarity that we go to the same elementary school, um, and being able to make those connections and then doing like play dates and and things like that, and being able to chit-chat a bit just because we're in the same social setting.
SPEAKER_01Those are those are really easy built-in, I call them built-in friends. Um, and my kids are in hockey, so now it's hockey season and we spend nine hours a week at the hockey rank. Those parents become the parents that were like, oh, how is your week? What are you doing this weekend? Do you guys want to hang out before hockey? Like those kind of become like seasonal friends. Um and and then also, you know, thinking about your faith community and if you have a Bible study or um a mom's group or something that uh the mom's group that I joined this year is moms of children with young children. So having a three-year-old
Early Postpartum Loneliness And Groups
SPEAKER_01and then also expecting in February, like just kind of being in that same season of motherhood again. I feel like I'm a bit out of it because I do have older children and this isn't her first rodeo, so it feels less new and fresh and kind of intimidating. But also then remembering, you know, a lot of these moms, like this is their first time going through pregnancy and having babies and um just connecting with them and that part of their life is another great outlet for me. And so kind of looking for some of those things in your community, or whether you're in Fargo or wherever you're at, like, where can you find some of those moms that have the same values, hobbies, lifestyle, um, life stage that you're in?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I think when I I felt the most overwhelmed and probably lonely would have been like the early stages, right? Like that, like newly postpartum to six to nine months postpartum, where it's like your life literally revolves around your baby. And so I think then, especially like Tanya said, finding a mom's group, or they have like ECFE early childhood development type classes, or um again, the church group is another great idea, and then as they get a little bit older, like we did like tumbling, and there was like a mom-kid class, and like swimming lessons or like a mom-baby class. And then I feel like it was kind of nice just to like even just that class time, you still make an interaction with other other moms who are in this exact same boat that you are, and just to kind of like strike up a conversation, even if it's about the kid, like whatever, but it makes you feel more connected to other other people, and I think trying not to let this season be uh a depressing one, right?
SPEAKER_01Because I mean, there's lots of joy that comes with it, but yeah, like you might not have the same friends, you might drift in and out of contact with people, but also that might also change, right? Like they might come back
Reaching Out And Trying New Things
SPEAKER_01around in a way that's unexpected, and so just thinking, you know, maybe you should reach out even if they haven't that you haven't chatted in a while.
SPEAKER_00Um and I think it forces you to go outside of your comfort zone a little bit, right? And that's how you grow, and that's how you grow as a mom, as a person, and I think for me anyway, then that makes me feel better when I do things that I was like, gosh, I would not have normally done that, and I did it, and I'm okay, and I learned something from it, and it it helps.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and I think kind of our takeaway is one, you're not you're not in this alone. Everyone goes through shifts and changes and morphs into a different person as we start our families, grow our families, and essentially end having children and then grow with them. And and that's okay. You're not the only one. Um, but also it's doable to have those friends that maybe aren't in the same stage of life as you or have the
Encouragement, Grace, And Closing
SPEAKER_01same kind of kid age group as you. Like, that's okay. Like, it's okay for you to make time for yourself and to not feel guilty about that. Um, especially as our kids grow, eventually, like we'll all be able to send them to their friend's house and have a cocktail together or something at some point. Um, but it might just not be today.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, for sure. And I think part of life is embracing some of those changes that happen and finding the good that comes with it. And you might create really great relationships with some of your kids' friends' moms, right? And um and enjoy that process as as you go as you go through it. Help each other, learn from each other, and try together. Yeah, yeah. Stomp your feet together. Yes, and then it and then just take a minute, but also like reflect with gratitude and enjoy that season of life because it unfortunately does not last very long. So true.
SPEAKER_01Thanks so much for spending a little time with us today. If this episode spoke to you, please follow the podcast and leave a quick review. It helps other moms like you find our community and feel supported too. And if you have a friend who could use a little encouragement, share this episode with her. Thanks for listening, and remember, you're doing an amazing job.