Unapologetically Mom Podcast
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Unapologetically Mom Podcast
How A Five Minute Pause Can Save Your Evening
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We share practical ways to reset after work, ask for help at home, and protect presence with your kids without chasing perfection. From five minute buffers to purpose driven no’s, we trade guilt for grace and build calmer evenings that actually fit real life.
• seasons that tip the balance and how to plan support
• commute and driveway decompression rituals that work
• naming overwhelm and modeling emotional literacy for kids
• using five minute resets to reduce reactivity
• scheduling downtime and finishing work mentally before pickup
• choosing presence over a sprawling to do list
• saying no to extras to protect energy and family time
• simple boundaries for phones, chores, and evening flow
• purpose filters for commitments and future seasons
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It helps other moms find our community and feel supported too
And if you have a friend who could use a little encouragement, share this episode with her
Thank you for listening, and remember, you are doing an amazing job
Hello
Setting The Balance Agenda
SPEAKER_01and welcome back to another episode of Unapologetically Mom. I'm Dr. Tanya and I'm here with Dr. Jenny. And today we're gonna talk a little bit about work-life balance and how we can implement some things into our day-to-day that can help us feel a little bit less stressed, a little bit less kind of on overdrive and on edge, and help us bring a little bit more balance back into our work and home life, kind of no matter what season you're in. Um, and you know, if you stay at home or if you have an job outside of your house, like there's still a difference between work and life, and um, and so just being mindful of how work of whatever kind it is plays into your stress and your parenting and your relationships, and then also how we can uh just make those a little bit more balanced and well-rounded so that everybody gets the attention that they need.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, for sure. Um, I think work, I think balance in any kind is very tricky.
Seasons Tip The Scale
SPEAKER_02I I think at different phases and different seasons of parenting or work jobs or projects that you're working on can sometimes tip the balance in one direction versus the other. And I think that it it becomes more on managing well, for how long am I going to be tipping this to one way,
Communicating Needs At Home
SPEAKER_02right? I get like if you have a work project and that's consuming a lot of your your day and your headspace, probably even at home, um, okay, fine, but like can we minimize that to the best of our ability, or is it for a short period of time and can we communicate that with our partner that during this time maybe I need a little bit more support at home because this project is blank amount of weeks and I have to get this amount of stuff done.
Commute Decompression Rituals
SPEAKER_02Um, the other thing that I have found to be helpful is like using my drive time home to like decompress a little bit, and so I'm shifting from my my work self into being prepared as soon as I walk in the door, I'm gonna be like, mom, you're home, and telling me like all about their day, which I love and I don't want them to not do that, but sometimes I just need like a minute to like just decompress from my day before I can step more fully into being a mom and being more present because I always want to be that and I never don't want them to tell me things, but sometimes I need a minute in between those that that shift.
From Peopled Out To Present
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it I yesterday I had a full patient care day, and by the end of the day I was very peopled out. Um, and that maybe included my children, right? I was just I was a little peopled out, and I know depending on kind of your introverted, extroverted tendencies, like even though I'm fairly extroverted and I really enjoy people and I enjoy conversation and learning about people, which is why I love what I do, I also really enjoy some quiet time, like by myself. Um, but of course I pick the kids up and you know the first mom, did you bring a snack? Mom, can we get a treat? Mom, you know, there's no there's no stop once you come once we get home.
SPEAKER_02And especially like if you're going from work to then activities, right? Like you have like no no space in between. Um, and I and like right, you and I both love our jobs, so I can only imagine what type of like stress that brings on for people that maybe don't feel as fulfilled by their jobs, that that can run into also your family life, and so I really do. And I've read a few books and I've done a few like personal development like courses, and almost all of them recommend giving yourself a minute.
The Five Minute Reset
SPEAKER_02I think they usually say like 15, but not everybody has that much time in between work and home, um, especially if you don't have a very long commute or you work from home, but giving yourself at least five minutes to be like, okay, like let's put this stuff down, like finish any notes that you have for that, like dump it on a piece of paper or whatever in a note section, and so that's all out of your brain, and then now give yourself a minute to shift over to um being a parent. And I don't have a very long commute, my commute's like four minutes if I get all green lights, and so I will not lie there. Sometimes where I sit in the
Driveway Breaths And Intentions
SPEAKER_02driveway, I did not open the garage yet because I feel like if I open the garage, they'll know I'm home. Where I will sit for a couple of minutes and just be like, okay, like take some deep breaths. Like, what like what is my intention now for the evening? What are the things we have going on? Um, I I do really want to be that present parent where I do want them to tell me all of the things, but also not then be like, oh my gosh, like mom, like always being like, well, mom, give me give me a minute, give me a minute, give me a minute, I need to do this, I need to do this, and I need to like and being distracted all evening and being able to have that like buffer time to kind of re I don't know, reset. Yeah, thank you. Good word, reset for the evening shift that comes with then being a parent.
SPEAKER_01Yep,
Naming Overwhelm For Your Kids
SPEAKER_01yep. I think I think it's also really important to recognize when when you are overwhelmed and need a minute, right? Because that's also the time where I I snap at my kids or I will yell or I like then you feel bad, yes. Then I'm like, I'm sorry, I'm sorry I yelled at you. Uh and maybe sometimes they deserve it, right? Like maybe sometimes they totally deserved it, but also then having them see me uh you know, like recognize my emotion, recognize the fact that I'm really overwhelmed right now because I I think kids get overwhelmed and they sometimes don't know how to handle those big emotions either, and they don't know what to do. So I'm like, oh I'm sorry guys, like mom's just really overwhelmed right now. I have a lot of stuff going through my brain. Just give me a minute. Like, can can you do you guys mind if you just go play for a little bit? I I need to sit and think for a second, or just having them also understand that you know there's a lot that goes into parenting and being present in your house and cooking and you know, whatever else happens after work, and I think it's okay for them to know that that that there's a that that's a lot, it's it's overwhelming.
To Do Lists Versus Presence
SPEAKER_02Okay, and you're also still just a person, and I think having there be a conversation, and even last night I found myself like I had a couple people reach out, I needed to book a couple of different things for coming up, and Emory wanted to color. Why mama wanted you to colour with me? Mama wants you to color with me, and I was like, sweetheart, I just need five minutes. And she came and sat by me and brought all of her stuff over, and so she could, and then I felt terrible. So, like, now you're just like trying to include me, and I'm sitting here on my phone, so I was like, Okay, Emory, can I tell you what I'm doing? And like, we're booking a hotel room because we're to we're going up to Grand Forks to go to a hockey game, and we needed a place like so. This is and so I kind of tried to include her a little bit in the things that I can, but she she just she just wanted to color with me, which is so sweet, but also I was just like, I have like a list of five things I gotta get done really quick before you know dad and um finally get home and we have supper, and and I yeah, and she did great, and then I colored with her until they got home, but I just felt bad because it's just like there's no separation from my to-do list, especially if I have a busy day. I have no time to do my to-do list during the day, right? And so then it's like now I'm it's definitely funneling over into my time with the kids, and so I'm also a work in progress when it comes to some of that separation um and trying to find a better balance. And some days I do really good, and then other days not so much.
Grace For The Messy Middle
SPEAKER_01I find that recognizing recognizing the overwhelm is often my first step to that's great making a change, um, and then also trying to actually schedule in slash plan time to be to have downtime. Yeah, like scheduling in the 15 minutes, maybe it's at the end of the day, and I can actually just like stay at work and finish the thing, or like you said, like I'll sit in the parking lot and finish the thing quick, or um, I will completely shift gears with another activity, like in the car, I will listen to a podcast that takes my brain completely out of work because it has nothing to do with work, into then now I have stopped thinking about work and now I can think about kiddo, house, home, husband, whatever, dog. Um, and that is really helpful for me, but also then like just recognizing that sometimes the to-do list that is there or like the thing that needed to get done, like right now, specifically, it's my laundry, it just is still gonna sit there. Like, I don't have a laundry fairy, I still haven't found one, she hasn't come to our house yet, and so she's the laundry's still there, and it's gonna just stay there, like it's okay. Like last night we, you know, we we did other things besides laundry last night, and so trying to give yourself grace, give yourself some grace, but also then just say, you know, I didn't have enough time to get these other things done, and what was more important, and so finding the balance between work and to-do, but also knowing that some of the to-do stuff maybe isn't as top of mind urgent as we set it out to be in our mind when our kids want to color or play play blades or like spend time with us, knowing that that is probably more important. Like, is it okay if we just let some of those other things go for a minute?
SPEAKER_02I that is also something that I am working on where it's like what is actually a priority that needs to get done, and sometimes what I think is a to-do item really isn't important, and it's probably really fine if it just never actually gets done. Um, and being able to decipher between I'm probably more type A personality, and I really like to be organized, and there are things that I've just had to be like, you know what, it's okay that our art closet is not super organized right now. I eventually will get around to it, and it's fine if it is three weeks from now because it's still gonna be there, it's still gonna be messy, and I organize it'll be messy again two days later. So for me, I've had to like give give a little bit on some of those things where it's like my 20-year-old self would be very disappointed in how my kitchen looks, but you know what? It's just not a priority. I would rather hang out with the girls in the evening, and that's fine. And then there are other evenings where I'm like, you know what, I'm in the mood, it's fine. They're watching a show or playing Barbies downstairs, they don't necessarily need me there, so I now get you it, right? And it always works out in the end. And I I have been trying also to get better at giving myself grace in the whole like balance situation.
Saying No To Find Balance
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I I think we don't often uh and and this maybe even falls into like a little bit of practice, like my practice, is that I see women constantly, like that is my main patient demographic. And I often see that women don't recognize the overwhelm. They don't recognize that the overwhelm is bleeding into their physical health, their mental health, their mental emotional health, their relationships, their like it is bleeding into everything, right? And so eventually, right, like how do we get out of this rat race of there is no balance, there is no work-life balance, there's no balance between activities and and home, and and whatever that balance looks like for you and your family, it it kind of comes down to just saying no, like I think learning the no word is great, like I can't do one more thing, I can't sign up for one more thing no matter how much I want to like it, it fills my cup. Like the cup is overflowing with fun things and stressful things and and all the things. I can't say no to one more thing, and kind sometimes finding the person to help you say no, my husband's really good at being like, yeah, no, you're not doing another thing, right? Or the kids aren't signing up for one more thing this summer, or whatever it is, like, but why? Like, I want to, right? Like, I have that that FOMO like missing out piece that I want them to do all the things, I want to do all the things, I want to be involved, but at some point, just learning to say no and and being like content with this season and like maybe the three things that you have going on versus doing five because it makes you feel more accomplished. Like it's okay, there will be another opportunity, there will be another season where you can do soccer or dance or whatever the activity is. Like, there will be another one.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I for sure I'm also working on those things.
Boundaries, Purpose, And Priorities
SPEAKER_02Um, I think sometimes people are like, well, I don't have great work-life balance, which maybe would be true, but I think sometimes they're trying to put too many things on either side of the spectrum, right? And so then the balance can't fit there either. Um, and so looking at maybe you need to find pockets during your day where you get a minute to like whether it's go to the gym or go for a walk, um, and blocking off some time during your day to do some stuff for you, and then freeing up some time either in the morning or evening to be able to spend more time with your kids or at home or doing the laundry or going running in the grocery store really quick, or can I do pickup order during my lunch hour? Um, but if you're putting everything, you're adding too much to work, or you're adding too much to the life part, you're never gonna have a balance.
SPEAKER_01And so learning where your boundary is at. And not to foreshadow into the future, but one of our episodes we're gonna talk about like purpose and goals, and one of the things that I think can really play into all of that is is the stuff that you're doing and filling your time with purposeful, intentional, and serving you? And if it isn't, then then get rid of it, right? It should be an easy no, yeah. It like if it's not uh uh I don't remember who said this, but like if it's not a hell yes, it's a no. Rachel Hollis.
SPEAKER_02Great. I used to love her book. So if it's not a hell yes, it's a no. If it's not a hell yes, it's a no. And I try really hard to strive by that. And sometimes you go outside of that, right? But again, yep, we're gonna talk about that more in a few weeks.
SPEAKER_01Um, because not everything has to be like rainbows and sunshine and
Obligations Or Calm In The Chaos
SPEAKER_01everything that you've ever wanted ever, right? Like there are hard things and things that we don't necessarily want to do that maybe need to be done, right? Like the laundry, eventually it has to get folded and put away, otherwise, we're not having any clean laundry. It's not something I love to do. However, it's still something that needs to be done. And it no, you're right, it's totally not a hell yes, but it's a I have to do it. But is there something else that you're saying yes to because you feel obligated or because you you know it you feel like it's an expectation? Where in the grand scheme of things, saying no would actually just make room for more calm in the chaos. Yeah, a little bit more balance.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
Closing And Listener Support
SPEAKER_02Thanks so much for spending a little time with us today. If this episode spoke to you, please follow the podcast and leave us a quick review. It helps other moms find our community and feel supported too. And if you have a friend who could use a little encouragement, share this episode with her. Thank you for listening, and remember, you are doing an amazing job.